Pre-blog

For the past three months I have been living a dream life: doing nothing at all. I quit my job one day before I found out INSEAD had accepted me; the funny thing about it is that it was a leap of faith, of course: apart from having been invited to the interviews and having a good feeling about at least one of them, I had no clue they were gonna take me. But then, as they did, life couldn’t be more beautiful. I literally jumped about a meter high when I got the phone call, then spent a couple of hours calling all my important people to tell. Less than a week later, with no regret in sight, I was cleaning my desk and saying good-bye to my first full-time job.

Then, heart pumping with enthusiasm, I went on vacation with my fiancée in Italy for three weeks. We saw beautiful villas, ate and drank like kings, met family and friends and drove through half of Italy in a red cabrio. I got to brush up on my Italian, and towards the end I became quite fluent. Life was “un regalo”.

But then, when we returned, as he was busy picking up on his work, I spent a while quite on my own. Nobody else to tell about my admission (and way too many people to know already), and a long list of TO DO things awaiting, plus all the time in the world: what else did I have to do? Well, when there’s no pressure, you tend to avoid. I read, I started painting, I cooked, I watched TV (after months of not a minute), saw movies, series, and then, as I was turning 26 in October, I started to draw a line: who was I, what was I doing? Nothing. I was behind with everything possible, and started to panic I wouldn’t make it. With all the time at hand, complete freedom and no pressure from anybody, I fell into a deep depression, the first in my life.

Why would you be depressed? You’re young, you’re pretty, you have a great future husband, time for yourself and INSEAD and a bright future ahead. That’s what my friends said. But then he, who knows me best, kicked my butt and made me work. And work will set you free…

Stealing time to write this blog out of my study of the Accounting Essentials, after having cleared up about 90% of my list, I realize that doing nothing for a while – and experiencing its risks – was definitely what I needed. I had been burying my head in the ground of work for three years, leaving myself, my future and my aspirations out of the discussion. Doing nothing, sitting with my thoughts, expressing my fears and worries, and recharging my batteries has brought me back on track: I will grow. After a couple of months in which the worries that I may not make it with my tuition payment, that once there, I may not make it through the courses, that I may be too much out of hand both on the academic and the social side, I am happy I burned out all these fears on solid ground, on safe territory. Now I know I’m ready. I am enthusiastic again: can’t wait to spend new year’s on a beach in Singapore, eat Asian till I pop, meet hundreds of interesting people and get back to the tip of the world (my world that is, nothing else can be guaranteed ☺).

So welcome on board of my trip through INSEAD, the business school for the world (ups, I guess I stole that). And if I won’t keep up, just now I’ll be crammed with assignments, meetings or (shhhhh!!!) parties…